So I just finished a 3 day yoga intensive for my 300 Hour Advanced Teacher Training. I went in raw and emotional and came out raw and emotional, but different.

What changed?

When I left this afternoon I was blissful and at peace, and excited to be a part of this beautiful and wild ride called life.

I realized that part of what had happened over the weekend, (and trust me, a LOT more than this happened) was that I came into a much deeper understanding of the expansiveness of the human capacity for LOVE. There were 17 of us in this training. We created a very sacred space with the intention of doing so. We all come into the space with our own stories, our own challenges in life, our own defects of character...(which by the way...I don't like that phrase anymore...it sounds just a little degrading and too much like a put-down. I think for today I like "challenging human qualities" better. <smile> ) and we are all in different stages of awareness. What happened was that there was nothing but...

So I have this book that was gifted to me....To You, Love God - by Will Bowen. It's a fantastic daily reader book. I've read a LOT of daily readers over the years and some are pretty darn good, but this one, you guys, is fantastic. I've not read ONE page that didn't speak to me in one way or another...certainly some spoke louder than others, and a couple of times I heard the pages whisper.

But this page on July 8th was hollering right up in my face...for a week. I shared it in all my yoga classes that week and the next. I thought about it every day...came back to it and chewed on it and pondered, "How do I want to show up?"  The question on the page was What if this was THE day? The TEMPLATE day for all of the goodness that came to you for the rest of your life? What if the feelings you feel on this day are the same feelings you will feel every day for the rest of your life? What if how you react to a challenge or adversity today is the same way you will react forever? OMG. That is...

So most of you who are reading this probably already know this about me, but I am PASSIONATE about yoga and recovery! I had the opportunity a few weeks back to attend a 3 day workshop with Rolf Gates. If you are NOT aware of the yoga and recovery movement, this won't mean much to you, but he is one of my INSPIRATIONS to keep moving in the direction I'm going....offering the benefits of yoga, meditation and energy transformation to those who suffer from addictions of any kind...AND those who suffer along with them! 

Anyway....one of the most profound nuggets that I received from this time with Rolf was such a simple thing that he said. I mean, a really simple....basic yogi stuff....like...

"Hello???? Where ya been all this time Dana?" kinda thing.

I'm not going to beat around the bush here and build this up to some amazing climax, but this thing that he said has CHANGED my meditation game. Not only that, it has allowed me to find peace throughout the day....almost as if it is just on call,...

My Mamadoll passed away 43 days ago. I am now officially a 54 year old orphan. I know I'm not the only one, and I grieve for us all.

I thought in the last several years that my mom was alive, that we were all sort of preparing for this time. She had been pretty much bedridden for many years due to a disintegrating spine with pain management being her only option for relief. The fact is, I was not even close to being ready for this. My yoga mat has been my refuge, and my breath has been my saviour.

My dad died when I was 8 years old, so the connection that my Mamadoll and I had was, you could say, pretty intense. His passing was very difficult for her, as it was an accident at work that happened on her 37th birthday. As I grew she tried to make up for the fact that I didn't have a dad, and would pretty much try to give me everything I wanted...she became more of a best friend than a mom, and all my friends thought she was the cool mom...which she most definitely without a doubt was!

Anyway...

So I've been dealing with some pretty heavy emotional stuff lately...having just returned from my latest trip to Arizona to be with my Mamadoll, who is 82, pretty much bedridden and pretty much doesn't want to be here anymore. It's a hard time. That's putting it lightly...it's excruciating is probably more accurate for me. Anyway, I'm doing the best I can with the situation, which without going into lots of detail, sucks big time. A friend of mine, who lost her mom a few years ago, has been sending me text messages with inspirational readings from a book she has...they were REALLY GOOD readings....the kind that every day hit you right where you live and make you suck air in and hold it for a moment and let it out in a long, grateful sigh of relief. I texted her and said "I love this book, what's it called?" She replied, "What's your address?"...so needless to say, when I returned home from Arizona there was a package on the counter with this book. These are the kinds of friends that I...