My Mamadoll passed away 43 days ago. I am now officially a 54 year old orphan. I know I'm not the only one, and I grieve for us all.
I thought in the last several years that my mom was alive, that we were all sort of preparing for this time. She had been pretty much bedridden for many years due to a disintegrating spine with pain management being her only option for relief. The fact is, I was not even close to being ready for this. My yoga mat has been my refuge, and my breath has been my saviour.
My dad died when I was 8 years old, so the connection that my Mamadoll and I had was, you could say, pretty intense. His passing was very difficult for her, as it was an accident at work that happened on her 37th birthday. As I grew she tried to make up for the fact that I didn't have a dad, and would pretty much try to give me everything I wanted...she became more of a best friend than a mom, and all my friends thought she was the cool mom...which she most definitely without a doubt was!
Anyway, long, long story short - we were extremely close.
In my teenage years I became wild and turned to alcohol and drugs to deal with the loss I felt...to try to fill the hole inside that I didn't know how to fill. I remember her having a little hanging on the wall in the kitchen about picking daisies...
and I loved it. It made me cry even then.
I look back now on the experiences that I've had in my life, with my relationships and loss, with my children and the fierce love I have for them, and the wisdom that comes from recovery and self study and this daisy plaque that my Mamadoll had is still where it's all at for me.
Live life to the fullest, extract every ounce of joy you can from every moment that's available to you...and be kind.
I am the wild child who still picks daisies off the side of the road and feels that they are gold. I am the 8 year old who lost her Daddy, and the 54 year old who lost her Mamadoll. I am a Mama who loves her grown mankids fiercely, a wife who loves her man deeply and probably falls short while I'm chasing dreams and planting seeds. I am also a strong warrior badass Goddess woman who tries to the best of my ability to lift other women to be all that their creator intended for them. But I'm sad, and that's okay. We are all one. We are all the same. We are all love. Meet yourself on your yoga mat, and pick more daisies!
If I had my life to live over again, I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d limber up.
I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances, I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane,
hour after hour,
day after day.
Oh, I’ve had my moments.
If I had to do it over again,
I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else- just moments,
one after another, instead of living so many yeas ahead of each day.
I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere
without a thermometer, a hotwater bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I could do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had to live my life over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds,
I would pick more daisies.
By Nadine Stair. An amazing 85-year-old woman, from Louisville, Kentucky,
who provided the words above after someone asked her
how she would have lived her life differently if she had a chance.